i will always love you

TONIGHT

2007-08-25T11:50:00.000-07:00

Sometimes i wish that guardian angel in my life comes really soon...but she resides in a far distant land...and all i can do is pray...

Tonight

oh!father of Jesus
guide me through tonight
give me the strength to lift myself
because my shoulder drops tonight
and no longer is my head held high
no longer do i have the courage to carry on

oh!lord send me your favourite child to guide me
to hold my hand ...to walk with me by my side
cause i am all alone tonight
and i cant stand the waves of frustration anymore
i am drowning in the quicksand of this materialistic world
with nobody to hold onto ...
bring your loved one back tonight
call her back for me
because i need her to be there by my side tonight...
she is the element that resides in me
with her i am everything without her i am nothing
her love is my strength,her tears are my pain
her voice is my hope,her silence is my despair
the sound of her every breath is the blood that flows in me
with the silence my heartbeat stops... time stops
show me her eyes once again because only they can stop my tears
show me her smile because only that can lift my head up to the world tonight...

A Fool In Love

2007-05-25T21:10:00.000-07:00

I woke up one night thinking of you ...why you???
A stranger you have been to me...no name...no past???
Who are you then ??
Why in the word do you then make me feel as if you define my existence???
...Why do you give me so much pain as well as so much hope...
Just Stop fucking my head!!!
..Stay by me or leave forever...
love me or kill me...
Just dont let me lead a half life...
You are my greatest strength as well as my greatest weakness...
You are my greatest pride as well as my greatest remorse..
I am a fool in love...
The more you hate me... the more i will love you ...
not for the pain you gave me ...
But for the memories you have given me...
Thats because i will always remember the love and erase the hate...
Cause i am just a fool so in love with you...dreaming dreams never meant for me...
Yet i dream coz in it is the sweet memories of you which i forever see...

Coldness outside warmth within

2006-12-08T14:03:00.000-08:00

I see the world today just like a schoolchild sees the world through the bus window on a foggy morning. It looks real but yet distorted just like it looks when I cry. The child doesn’t want to open the window and see how the real world looks because it’s too cold outside…just like I don’t want to open my heart for you lest I get hurt again… and again get lost in this bitter fog of emotions…we have our differences…call it age, time, financial status …yet I yearn for you and wish if things would only be the way between you and me like the one I dream about everyday…I wish you would see me the way I see you…but for that I need to open my heart and accept you and that I can’t do because I am too afraid of the pain and the rejection which would come sooner or later…just like the little child cant open the window because it’s a cold, lonesome world outside.

A story i just love cause i can relate to it (i havent written it just came across it )

2006-07-08T11:38:00.000-07:00

As i sat dere in d english class i stared at d girl next 2 me...

She was my so-called "best friend". I stared at her long, silky hair. I wished she were mine, but she didn't notice me like that. And I knew it. After class she walked up to me and asked me for the notes she had missed the day before, and I handed them to her. She said "thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I wanted to tell her. I wanted her to know that I don't want to be just friends. I love her, but I'm just too shy. And I don't know why. 11th Grade The phone rang. It was her on the other end. She was in tears, mumbling on and on about how her love had broke her heart. She asked me to come over because she didn't want to be alone, so I did. As I sat next to her on the sofa, I stared at her soft eyes, wishing she was mine. After 2 hours, a Drew Barrymore movie, and three bags of chips, she decided to go to sleep. She looked at me, said "thanks," and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her. I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends. I love her, but I'm just too shy. And I don't know why. 12th Grade The day before prom she walked to my locker. "My date is sick," she said. He's not going to go. Well, I didn't have a date and in 7th grade we made a promise that if neither of us had dates we would go together just as "best friends," so we did. Prom night after everything was over I was standing at her front door step. I stared at her. She smiled at me and stared at me with her crystal eyes. I want her to be mine, but she doesn't think of me like that, and I know it. Then she said, "I had the best time, thanks!" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her. I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends. I love her, but I'm just too shy. And I don't know why... Graduation Day A day passed. A week passed. A month passed. Before I could blink, it was graduation day. I watched as her perfect body floated like an angel up on stage to get her diploma. I wanted her to be mine, but she didn't notice me like that, and I knew it. Before everyone went home, she came to me in her smock and hat, and she cried as I hugged her. Then, she lifted her head from my shoulder and said, "You're my best friend, thanks!" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her. I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends. I love her, but I'm just too shy. And I don't know why… A Few Years Later Now, I sit in the pews of the church. She is getting married, now. I watched her say, "I do" and drive off to her new life, married to another man. I wanted her to be mine but she didn't see me like that, and I knew it. But before she drove away, she came to me and said, "You came!" She said, "thanks!" and kissed me on the cheek. I want to tell her. I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends. I love her, but I'm just too shy. And I don't know why... Funeral yrs passed, and I looked down at the coffin of the girl who used to be my best friend." At the service they read a diary entry she had wrote in her high school years. This is what it read: I stare at him wishing he were mine. But he doesn't notice me like that, and I know it. I want to tell him. I want him to know that I don't want to be just friends. I love him, but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why. I wish he would tell me he loved me… i wish I did too… i thought to myself, and I cried.

MY RAY OF HOPE

2006-06-18T14:15:00.000-07:00

something me & my friends wrote one night talking about our sorrows and hope

MY RAY OF HOPE

Slow lonely night - every star reflects the shattered crystal ball in which i saw my future once ..
Slow slow night, if I could only meet my angel once...
If I could never meet her in life, I'd pray to die, and die so soon..
We'd dance to the song of the stars, we'd sway to the hum of the moon ...
We would be swift as the air; how I wish my angel was there!
Now its a dream once lived, shattered in reality,
Faith lost to truth, courage betrayed to adversary.
Bridges of hope crumbling to ashes far above the cries of helplesness...
But the hope in my heart says you will wait for me beyond it all, beyond nothingness
Drowning in the abyssmal waves of despondency, to you I call,
The nothingness envelops me as I try to make my way through it,I falter,I stumble,I fall.
I look for you but the mist of horrific thoughts makes me blind,
My gaurdian angel I need u to come down and hold my hand tonight
Through mists of smoke, through the dark red haze,
I find my angel, I see her face..
And on we go in life upon its endless roads having endless hopes..
Who is she? I know not now,
But this I know, we'll meet somewhere somehow...
And when she comes to my barren earth,
No more shadows, there shall again be joy and mirth.

One Winter Night...

2005-12-27T09:18:00.000-08:00

Ever sat in front of the computer late in the middle of the night...when its all eerie and quiet???wondering where life is heading? Wondering where all your friends are and what they are doing?Wondering why you couldn’t be as successful as them?Wondering and moaning about why you screwed up and why didn’t u listen to the good advices???Has it ever happened to you that to take your mind off your failures you walk into a chat room because you don’t want to talk to your friends and reminded of their success and your failures. And then you meet someone... a stranger in a chat room who chats to you till its dawn and you feel in the end that life aint so bad ...and you wish why you hadn't met this stranger earlier and you wish why couldn’t this stranger live closer to you instead of a thousand miles apart !!!

Has this ever happened to you???....This poem is an ode to that stranger I met ... we meet people everyday in our lives who put a smile onto our face but we never stop by and thank them for it ...this is the time...this is the chance...stop forget about everything that you are doing...remember them...and thank them for what they made you feel. I might forget what they looked like or did to me but i can never forget how they made me feel by what they said at that stage of my life...

ONE WINTER NIGHT

It was a cold winter night,
Foggy, misty and dark all outside,
Sitting alone and yearning
That I could break free
through the shackles of despair.
I run through the road of life
Not knowing where my next step would fall,
Its the toughest fight of life,
when hopes gone and no ones beside
Yet you know you have to fight.
Fight to win, fight to survive
You need to fight to keep your head held up high..
But somehow the mist of despair surrounds me. and i suddenly am lost...

Out of the mist you came ....and held my hand
I remember that day when you came into my life..
Till then i was all alone..
I didn’t love myself until you came.
I didn’t care about life, until you happened.

My life is a shadow
It has no heart and soul
Yet it gives me pain
And follows me everywhere I go...even on cloudless days
My shadow longs to touch your hair
And talk to you
But just as day and night cannot come together
and dreams and realities can never walk hand in hand...
So cannot you and I..

I miss you and everything you are to me
I remember when you said...
Do not fret when times get rough.
If things look down or kind of tough
Just remember ...I am always here

I remember those words in my dream..
Like I remember your face in my sleep.
It hurts not having you here and it doesn't help at all.
But for now farewell my friend
For I have miles to go to live my dream.
And I know your shadow will be behind me.
Watching silently and whispering to me and showing me the way...

For knowing you
for loving you
So much I have gained
you are god’s fairest child
You are an angel I have known...
My soul you have touched.
Only time will tell where we stand
but no matter what happens from here and forever...
I always want you to know...
That I would rather be here with you, at this moment...
Than with anybody else, anywhere in this world at any given time.
So for now farewell god’s fairest child ...
Maybe one day it will be you and I
walking along side by side.
I hope that day comes soon..
Till then I will live my life just thinking about you ...The stranger I have known..

best friend where are thou???

2005-12-22T01:26:00.000-08:00

This poem i wrote sitting one night wondering about life is dedicated to my best friend who lives in a land far away whom i miss every single moment and even though she might not realize that this is my Ode to her.I hope these insignifact words might be able to tell her just how much i miss her and love her every single moment which i never could say face to face till date.Its weird how i always knew that one day looking back on the tears i cried in front of you would make me laugh but i never knew that one day the laughter we shared together would make me cry...not a moment passes by when i dont think of you i just wish you were here by my side to give me courage to take on the world...coz my life right now is ...
...A dream once lived
shattered in reality.
Faith lost to truth.
Courage betrayed to adversary
Bridge of hope crumbling to ashes...
Far above the cries of helplessness and despair.
Mist of horrific thoughts...
Blocking the ray of her everlasting love upon me.
My best friend my guardian angel...
I need you to come down tonight and hold my hand
I need you to come down and walk by me ...
For i have no one save you in a world of friends turned foes.

Somewhere In The Night

2005-12-20T02:57:00.000-08:00

Somewhere in the night a child cries,
A woman weeps and someone dies.
Somewhere in the night, humanity hides
Somewhere in the night , a soul screams,

As people fade and die, lost in dreams.
Somewhere in the night, reality lives.

Somewhere in the night loneliness dwells,
As people die, no sounding bells.
Somewhere in the night, I die alone in the memories of you.

Somewhere in the night ...

Where is the light tonight?

i wish you knew

2005-11-14T12:41:00.000-08:00

I was cold and hurting
lost out in the misty night
wandering and searching
for heaven's light

I saw the mist clearing
when you spread your wings to shelter me
But little did I know
what joy you would bring

From that moment on
a friendship did start
innocent it was...
like a new born childs cry
you kissed away my tears
and sheltered my heart
But then I grew fearful
for I had fallen in love

How do I tell you I'm sorry -
With a gesture, a look, a touch?
How is it I never realized
That you trust me so much
And instead I hurt you so very much?

I do not ask forgiveness,
A comfort I'll never deserve.
I merely want to let you know,
But I cannot find the nerve.

To finally confront you, face-to-face,
To look you in the eye,
To face your wrath, your apathy -
Too terrified to try.
Betraying and deceiving you,
I surely had no right
The time has come, it's long past due,
To put aside my fear and i wonder;
Would this confession torture you,

I wish I could tell you how I really feel inside.
That I'd be willing to take that chance
To be more than just your friend.
I know you sense this, as I do,
but it's easier to pretend.
Saying it would make it real
and you'd run away and hide from me.
And i don't want that to happen

Because Without you by my side today
Life would be so slow
I would miss your calls
Our endless talks
And the places we would go
I would gladly walk a mile,
if that would give me a chance
to see you smile.

I'd call you my friend,
but that's a lie.
You mean more to me,
but I can't explain why.

For you are more precious to me
than all of the world's gold,
but I can't tell you that,
how can I be that bold?

If I spoke what's on my mind,
would you accept me?
Because without you,
I don't know where I'd be.

You seem to be calm,
while I feel absolutely lost.
I would like to be so bold,
but what would its failure cost?

Am I the only one faced with this choice?
Be daring and risk losing you as a friend too?
I can't risk that; I'd rather have that then lose everything.
What should I do?

You might not even bear to look at me,
And I know my mistake
A few thoughtless actions which i never could control,
I know we cannot take it back
As much as we would like to

I'm so confused
I think to myself, "What am I going to do?"
My head tells me to let go
But my heart says, "I love you"
People always say, love never lasts"
They also tell me "Don't worry, your day will come
Your days of loss will quickly pass"

Then where is it?
Where is my day that I will see what I want and who I am?
Where is my next love who will teach me
what it's like to tell the truth again?

I'm trapped in a cage that has no key
I want you to hold me
But at the same time
I wish that you'd let me be

This yearning in my heart
This confusion in my mind
The words left unspoken
Haunts me all the time

Everyday I watch pass by
With an emptiness in my life
And a hole in my heart
Where only you belong

If time is what you need,
Then I guess that's what you'll get
But I need you there for me soon,
Be it as my friend or more,
And i hope you will forgive if i have sinned by loving you,
Just don't run away and hide from me
I don't want that to happen
I don't want to lose your friendship
But i am confused i don't know what to do?
So i ask you my friend to guide me and tell me
Cause you are the angel i know who will always guide me
whether i am right or wrong