Coldness outside warmth within

I see the world today just like a schoolchild sees the world through the bus window on a foggy morning. It looks real but yet distorted just like it looks when I cry. The child doesn’t want to open the window and see how the real world looks because it’s too cold outside…just like I don’t want to open my heart for you lest I get hurt again… and again get lost in this bitter fog of emotions…we have our differences…call it age, time, financial status …yet I yearn for you and wish if things would only be the way between you and me like the one I dream about everyday…I wish you would see me the way I see you…but for that I need to open my heart and accept you and that I can’t do because I am too afraid of the pain and the rejection which would come sooner or later…just like the little child cant open the window because it’s a cold, lonesome world outside.

A story i just love cause i can relate to it (i havent written it just came across it )

As i sat dere in d english class i stared at d girl next 2 me...

She was my so-called "best friend". I stared at her long, silky hair. I wished she were mine, but she didn't notice me like that. And I knew it. After class she walked up to me and asked me for the notes she had missed the day before, and I handed them to her. She said "thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I wanted to tell her. I wanted her to know that I don't want to be just friends. I love her, but I'm just too shy. And I don't know why. 11th Grade The phone rang. It was her on the other end. She was in tears, mumbling on and on about how her love had broke her heart. She asked me to come over because she didn't want to be alone, so I did. As I sat next to her on the sofa, I stared at her soft eyes, wishing she was mine. After 2 hours, a Drew Barrymore movie, and three bags of chips, she decided to go to sleep. She looked at me, said "thanks," and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her. I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends. I love her, but I'm just too shy. And I don't know why. 12th Grade The day before prom she walked to my locker. "My date is sick," she said. He's not going to go. Well, I didn't have a date and in 7th grade we made a promise that if neither of us had dates we would go together just as "best friends," so we did. Prom night after everything was over I was standing at her front door step. I stared at her. She smiled at me and stared at me with her crystal eyes. I want her to be mine, but she doesn't think of me like that, and I know it. Then she said, "I had the best time, thanks!" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her. I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends. I love her, but I'm just too shy. And I don't know why... Graduation Day A day passed. A week passed. A month passed. Before I could blink, it was graduation day. I watched as her perfect body floated like an angel up on stage to get her diploma. I wanted her to be mine, but she didn't notice me like that, and I knew it. Before everyone went home, she came to me in her smock and hat, and she cried as I hugged her. Then, she lifted her head from my shoulder and said, "You're my best friend, thanks!" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her. I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends. I love her, but I'm just too shy. And I don't know why… A Few Years Later Now, I sit in the pews of the church. She is getting married, now. I watched her say, "I do" and drive off to her new life, married to another man. I wanted her to be mine but she didn't see me like that, and I knew it. But before she drove away, she came to me and said, "You came!" She said, "thanks!" and kissed me on the cheek. I want to tell her. I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends. I love her, but I'm just too shy. And I don't know why... Funeral yrs passed, and I looked down at the coffin of the girl who used to be my best friend." At the service they read a diary entry she had wrote in her high school years. This is what it read: I stare at him wishing he were mine. But he doesn't notice me like that, and I know it. I want to tell him. I want him to know that I don't want to be just friends. I love him, but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why. I wish he would tell me he loved me… i wish I did too… i thought to myself, and I cried.

MY RAY OF HOPE

something me & my friends wrote one night talking about our sorrows and hope


MY RAY OF HOPE

Slow lonely night - every star reflects the shattered crystal ball in which i saw my future once ..
Slow slow night, if I could only meet my angel once...
If I could never meet her in life, I'd pray to die, and die so soon..
We'd dance to the song of the stars, we'd sway to the hum of the moon ...
We would be swift as the air; how I wish my angel was there!
Now its a dream once lived, shattered in reality,
Faith lost to truth, courage betrayed to adversary.
Bridges of hope crumbling to ashes far above the cries of helplesness...
But the hope in my heart says you will wait for me beyond it all, beyond nothingness
Drowning in the abyssmal waves of despondency, to you I call,
The nothingness envelops me as I try to make my way through it,I falter,I stumble,I fall.
I look for you but the mist of horrific thoughts makes me blind,
My gaurdian angel I need u to come down and hold my hand tonight
Through mists of smoke, through the dark red haze,
I find my angel, I see her face..
And on we go in life upon its endless roads having endless hopes..
Who is she? I know not now,
But this I know, we'll meet somewhere somehow...
And when she comes to my barren earth,
No more shadows, there shall again be joy and mirth.